I haven’t had a moment like this in quite some time, but I was thinking about a friend of mine’s situation and how much I relate. A good friend of mine recently got a divorce and I was honestly shocked. She is a smart and balanced individual who did not enter the notion of marriage lightly. Her ex-husband seemed as if he was totally devoted and dedicated to their marriage and they both seemed very happy. They had a beautiful wedding with no red flags that I could see (and I’m pretty good at seeing those types of things). So when I found out that they had not been able to work it out, I was and am still shell shocked.
I’ve been in a similar-ish situation myself. Thought I haven’t been married (thank the Lord), I was engaged for a year-ish my senior year of undergrad through my first year of graduate school and thought that I was happy. I had my bachelors, I was working on my masters (after applying with some pushing from my professor) and I thought that my life was right on track. Then one day, while I was working at my first internship of graduate school, it hit me like lightning. I shouldn’t be getting married. My ex-fiancé and I talked about marriage very little, if at all. I had no idea how we were going to be a functioning couple and family. I didn’t know how he wanted to raise children or manage finances. I didn’t know if he wanted me to stay home or have a job or even what I wanted in a life and family. And then I was sad, angry and guilty that I had placed myself and my ex into this situation. I didn’t know it was bad until I knew it wasn’t right and we ended it. I can genuinely say that I am glad that we both did not go through with it. From what I know, he has been much happier, as have I.
How do you deal with a situation like that? Even if there was not defining event, as there was not for me, everything that your life once was just is not how your life will be after such a large decision. Nothing can prepare you for that. You could go into a situation with the best of intentions and it just doesn’t work out. I can offer what I did and what I see my friend doing to get over these types of situations.
I threw myself into school and work. I was left with a lot of financial difficulty following that relationship ending. I would not let it keep me from school, so I worked several jobs to support myself and pay the debts that I incurred. My friend is now furthering her education by going to law school, which she always wanted to do. My advice is to keep pushing for things that you want and things that you thought you could not accomplish before that event.
While both of my examples are relationship based, I would say that this could apply to other events that impact your life so completely. Things like relocation, losing a job, losing a loved one, etc. It may seems like your entire world and life as you knew it has come crashing down around you, but doing nothing will ensure that it stays in shambles. I can honestly say that if I would not have pushed through it, I would not be in such a great place now! I also would have never had the opportunity to do the cool things I’m doing or meet all kinds of cool people. My world came crashing down for a reason, and even though I didn’t like it at the time, I am thankful to have learned from it.
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