Controversy is My Best Friend

One of my New Year’s Resolutions associated with Stepping Up (#StepUp30Day) is to write about issues that I’ve thought about that may be very controversial. I tend to think about a lot of these types of issues introspectively but honestly am a little apprehensive to talk about them with others (I know, out of character). One of the reasons this is, is that when you choose to discuss an issue centered on race relations, gender relations, politics, humanitarianism, war, etc., you run the risk of being labeled something extremely negative very quickly. In addition, because people have very passionate and emotional responses to those types of issues, they can decide that if you hold that view or perspective that you shouldn’t be counted in their circle of friends. 

For those reasons, I’ve been overly cautious with approaching subjects such as these on such a permanent and public forum. And then I have been thinking that it is absurd to not discuss issues because I’m afraid of the outcomes. If we are to continue down the path of mutual respect and understanding of each other, sweeping hard subjects under the rug isn’t going to get there. The topic I wanted to start a discussion about centers around race relations and just what I have observed, experienced, etc. 

I recently had a very negative experience on Facebook on my friend’s status asking about apartment suggestions around the city. I suggested the area in which I live, which is relatively inexpensive and close to major routes. Then one of her friends commented in all caps, to stay away from my suggestion because it is in the “projects.” Regardless of whether this assertion is true or not (I don’t think so) I decided to respond, as I think it’s ridiculous that someone would say that on a public forum. Long story short, this girl continued to say more and more that it was the projects, that she was laughing at my expense, etc. Now as I said earlier this is an open racial discussion, and during this entire ordeal, I kept thinking that if our races were reversed (I am white and she is black) that she would have immediately been labeled a racist or some other such negative term. 

I thought that was rather interesting that merely switching a race that such a different outcome would most likely occur. So, I went researching. First, I proposed a question to my Facebook friends to message me if they thought that there was a racial double standard within the US (because that is most of their home country and where most of their experiences would arise). I left the question vague because I wanted to see how people would interpret it. 

One of the best responses (I thought) that I got pointed out that we use the word double standard when talking about race, and there are definitely more than two within the United States. In addition to that, many people brought up differences including the availability of jobs and scholarships, social interaction (as in what is ok or what is not ok to say, do, etc.) to even identifying with your race and how it differs for the majority versus minorities. They provided me with articles, studies, blogs, and other resources to help me to understand their views. It was also mentioned that many so called “racist” behaviors are determined to be racist by more or a preference or belief of specific individuals, but not necessarily shared across a group of the same race. So engaging in such behavior with one group of individuals may have a very different outcome when doing that with other individuals. It was highlighted that openly talking with your friends about various things and being honest when something bothers you or being open about your intentions is crucial. Things taken out of context can have detrimental effects.  I honestly was blown away by how many well thought out responses that I got from a very diverse sample of individuals. 

Now after collecting a lot of this information, I got to thinking about what I can do to contribute to making this issue be less volatile and generate more positive discussion to help people move forward. While I can’t change all negativity at the drop of a hat, I can do my own part to diminish it. I actually got my answer from a friend (who happens to be a different race) who allowed me to talk about this with her.  She said, yes there are differences and yes there are struggles bases upon your race. Highlighting them will do nothing. Pushing them aside and being successful regardless of those differences will. In addition helping those that you see struggling, supporting them and not holding onto initial judgments or stereotypes, regardless of how you can “classify” them as will help diminish the negativity. 

I like to end with a challenge. I challenge all of my readers to discuss a “controversial” topic with your friends constructively. You will be very surprised at what comes of it. What I learned while discussing this with my friend is that I felt that I had a level of understanding I didn’t have and it increased my “closeness” with her. It made our friendship stronger and means something. 

Note: Thanks for reading! While I was researching this blog, I saw a video poking fun (not in a bad way, or at least I didn’t take it that way) around this issue. The video is S*** White Girls Say to Black Girls. She apparently gets funded based upon the number of clicks and I thought it was brave of her to make this parody. I found it funny (and that sometimes I have fallen victim to some of the quotes), so I hope you do too!