Mean Girls Are At Any Age

I’m sure that most of you reading this have been bullied at one time or another throughout your lifetime. It seems almost like a rite of passage through school, whether it is at the elementary or college level. With all of the national attention to many tragic events that are a result of bullying, I feel that something outside of childhood or early adulthood needs to be addressed. I’m not trying to take away from those issues as I think children should never have to be put in a situation where they think suicide or something drastic is the only way out of a bullying situation. I just think that bullying never really stops.

I have lived under the assumption that this world is run by professional and mature adults. I have come to find out that this is not the case by any stretch of the imagination. Rather, this world is run by grown children who have come up with better coping mechanisms for their problems and are able to hide their issues better. Now, I’ve been bullied my entire life, starting at age 5 (my bully was a 12 year old girl) to some small tiffs in college between people that seemed to gang up on me. I was lucky in that I had very supportive family and friends who helped me understand why I was being targeted and a mindset of “I really don’t care what you have to say.” I think understanding why you are being targeted can really help you get through the situation, but I digress.

I can say that at 24 (I’ll be 25 tomorrow!) I have been bullied recently by women who are over the age of 30. That I think is analogous to the 12 year old girl bullying me at age 5. What are they thinking?! Bullying in adulthood is almost never physical in nature, or really even all that noticeable. It’s more like little jabs here and there. As Facebook is entering the workplace, even that can be used as a mechanism to bully. I want to be clear on what I understand bullying to be. I think that it is putting someone else down to either 1. Mess with their confidence and self-esteem and/or to 2. Make the bully feel better about their own insecurities. Now this is where I think understanding why you have become a target is necessary to get through the situation.

These individuals are most likely your superiors, bosses or even people that you look up to. If you understand what about them is problematic, you may be able to see a pattern. For example, I’m very sociable and have a lot of friends that are coworkers. If someone at my organization doesn’t make friends so easily, they may begin to say things about how you are always talking or going out, etc. to take away from the fact that they have very minimal people to talk to. That perspective makes me not look at what they are saying, but why they are saying it. And honestly, it just makes them look sad. Rather than focusing your attention and energy to what they are saying and beating up on yourself, the energy is focused on understanding the situation. This focus decreases their power over you and also you can begin to find a solution.

I think solutions for these types of situations vary depending on what you are up against. I personally have that mindset of “say whatever you want, I don’t really care.” I am working to be able to confront that person in not such a direct way. What I mean by that is focus on the behavior that is the problem (whatever they say) and ask that person how we can get through this. That is much easier said than done, especially when that person is “superior” to you in the workplace. Have any of you experienced such a situation?