Relationships at Work

During Valentine’s Day I was not only thinking about my “Valentine, “ though he did a great job hand delivering flowers to me at work and going on an amazing dinner date. I was thinking about how that day is really to revel in the happiness that are positive relationships with anyone; friends, family, coworkers, teammates, significant others, etc. I’ve often mentioned how important building relationships are outside of work, but I started thinking about what positive relationships at work look like and how to really GENUINELY cultivate them.

I’ve recently needed to quickly develop working relationships across departments in order to “get the job done.” This was necessary because I have gone through one acquisition in 2012 and will be doing another in 2013. The first acquisition was my boutique, hospitality driven consulting firm being purchased by a very large HR consulting firm. It was a firm I’ve always wanted to work for and I felt like I received a golden ticket. From that, many processes, products, etc. needed to be streamlined and a large amount of cross training had to be conducted. 

Throughout that process (and it is an ongoing one) I’ve attempted to learn different methodologies, apply ones that are most suitable for the situation, and suggest new and improved ways of doing things. I couldn’t do all of that had it not been for my consulting team really helping to train me on everything. Outside of my department, there are large components of project management and technology that I can’t possibly know everything about. But through a few friendly IM chats, emails and discussions on the phone, I now know who can help when I have a problem. They also know who to ask when dealing with what I do. In all of these instances, I feel like these relationships are mutually beneficial, very collaborative and team oriented and very positive working relationships. You don’t have to go out on weekends with all of your coworkers to have great relationships with them. 

The main point that I want to make is that these relationships take time, interest and actual cultivation. When I was developing these strong relationships, I took a genuine interest in learning, developing, the other person’s expertise and had GREAT respect for their time. The consideration for time and respect for their perspectives goes a long way (even in relationships not at work). Being genuinely interested in people shows and it helps you to develop good strong relationships more rapidly. I didn’t realize that being myself when talking with coworkers and taking a genuine interest in them would make finding out things and learning things so much easier. 

I have an example of trying to implement a new process for a client and I had NO idea how to actually distribute information, upload information into a different system, how to manage client expectations surrounding the new process, etc. I reached out to a project manager who is rather new, but that I have worked with previously on a similar task asking her the steps etc. She offered to help manage the project, found out whom to ask about my specific issue and learned something new about our processes. The person she reached out to walked me through a new system, showed me how to upload things, explained the process, informed me on a few pitfalls I could run into and gave me contacts in case anything went wrong. I honestly did not expect that my reaching out to a project manager would result in something so helpful, individualized and positive. 

Since then, I’ve become a “go-to” person when implementing this new process for a few of the consultants that haven’t worked in that space. It gave them more resources to utilize when doing something new and it helped me to give back a bit since they had taught me so much already. I felt as if my personal development has gone through the roof by having such good working relationships and it makes me a better employee as well as really enhancing my career. I challenge all of you to develop more and better relationships within your workplace; you’ll be surprised at the outcome!

Give it a YEAR!

While driving, I tend to reflect on things to not only keep the road rage at bay (hey, I live in Dallas), but also because I believe constant reflection is important. Continually assessing yourself, how you fit into the world (your job, your family, your relationships) is so very important. It helps me stay grounded and also helps me to plan what new adventure I’d like to tackle next. While driving to work in horrible fog and rain that paralyzes Dallas drivers from not riding the break or going the speed limit, I thought about how much you can actually change within a year’s time. Now a year as you get older (haha, like me) seems like a very short time to be able to accomplish major life changes, but I feel as if a year is a good way to measure if you have been actually attempting to do something differently. 

The past year, for me, has changed in many different ways. I still work at the same company and I still do Industrial Organizational Psychology, but I feel that my job has changed ten-fold for the better. I’m continually learning and growing and taking on new tasks and challenges. Peer training has been an amazing experience for me. There was a point in the past year that I was very upset with my job, the role, everything about what I was doing. And then I looked around within my group and organization and thought, hey, maybe I can learn new things within my function. So, I reached out to anyone that would listen whether it was my boss, the head of my department, more senior coworkers or coworkers on my same level. Really I talked to anyone that would listen to why I was upset and how I wanted to grow. Since then, I’ve taken on so many varied tasks and am learning and developing myself much more in the past year than I have in the three years prior. I really took initiative and took control of my feelings of unhappiness and made the best of out the situation. Now, I couldn’t be happier. I feel as if I’m really progressing and really developing. In one year, going from wanting to quit this job and career path, to excelling in it. 

I talk about the next thing a lot, as it is one of my passions. Last year at this time, I made the decision that I will dance on a professional or semi-professional dance team. I knew I had no idea the ins and outs on how to accomplish that, who to reach out to, what I needed to be doing to train; none of it. And I went to audition after audition and was cut in the very first round. Each time, it hurt my heart, confidence and dream. I got to the point that I almost stopped auditioning for the fear of rejection yet again. I did get some help from several people who told me to just keep trying. That someone will see my potential and really help me to develop that. Since then, I’ve made the Texas Tornado Sirens who support the Texas Tornado Hockey team and have really grown as a professional dancer. I’m training for audition season again, and have so much more experience, insight and confidence. I also have a lot more resources that I know who to ask when I don’t have a clue on what to do. So, in one year I went from the girl who gets cut first round to being on a dance team. 

Since being on the dance team, I had to change my workout schedules and nutrition just to be able to support the demanding physical activity and schedule that I held. I started out auditioning for teams and feeling like all the other women around me were much more fit and healthy. I attempted to get there, but it is really a case of “you don’t know what you don’t know.” Since I gained access to great resources, I’ve not only increased my overall health, I’ve lost 18 pounds since September. I wasn’t a large girl to begin with, but I feel much more energized, active and just GOOD. That wasn’t even a year’s time and I look forward to seeing what becomes of my journey to accomplish a healthier lifestyle. 

The point of this entry is to point out that taking control and making the decision to change your life for the better can have AWESOME results within a short time (JUST A YEAR). I challenge each reader to go for something that they have been holding out on, or to make a bad thing in your life better by taking control of what you can take control of. Sometimes, that isn’t always possible, but trying and continually trying can have very unexpected and positive results. Give it a year!!

Reflections of 2012

New Years Resolutions. Most of us make them and have broken them by now. I do think think that constantly re-evaluating your positions and goals is a good thing, but part of that is thinking back to the last year to see what, if anything changed and why. I’ll use myself as an example, especially since lots of things changed from January 2012 to January 2013 for me; most of them positive!

Last year at this time, I decided that I was going to do a few things. One of them was to audition and make a pro or semipro dance team within Dallas. That is easier said than done. While there are a lot of teams to audition for here, there is A LOT of competition. There are also unwritten rules, a component of networking and things that you just can’t know going into it, unless you’ve grown up in this area as a dancer. I auditioned and auditioned and auditioned. I even got to the point of wanting to quit. I would go to each audition optimistic, knowing that I had learned one more thing to do and then being cut fairly early on in the process. I would come home crying and spend the day wallowing just so that I could come up with a new game plan for the next audition, find out when the next prep classes were and try again. Then, it finally happened and I made a dance team for the Texas Tornado! I am still currently a Texas Tornado Siren Dancer (get it, haha) and my life changed DRAMATICALLY after that day. 

Since making that team, my resolutions of getting in shape and eating better kicked into high gear. While I was doing a normal version of that, being on a dance team that is very high visibility enhances those goals to a whole new level. It is required that I attend at least 3 Jay’s Bootcamps or Crossfit workouts a week, and in my off time, go to dance classes or hit the gym. With a schedule like that, I had no choice but to change my eating habits to keep up. I thanked my director after the first game for requiring this, because I just wouldn’t have been able to dance consistently for 3-4 hours; which is required on game days. 

In addition to that big change, I also wanted in January 2012 to become better at my full time position as an Assessment Consultant (HR related). My organization, BHI was acquired by Kenexa in November 2011 and I saw it as an opportunity to learn from some of the best currently practicing Industrial Organizational Psychologists. I knew of the head of my department before even starting due to his vast research body and contributions to our field. Needless to say, I was intimidated, but motivated to do more than I had been doing. I learned to speak up and take initiative in your career (even though I knew I had to, it was difficult to execute). I learned to coordinate with my VERY competent coworkers to learn from them. I had my highest acceptance rate to our annual conference, SIOP EVER this year, thanks to coordinating with my coworkers! I also learned that I could have real friends at work (something that I had never done). I feel like I’ve come so far professionally thanks to my organization and my coworkers in the past year. I also feel like I’ve done this in my own way, rather than following a strict path. I made my career my own this year. 

Those are just two examples of an overarching thing that I wanted to do in 2012. That is TAKING CONTROL of my life. That is, figuring out what I want out of my life and doing things to get me there. It isn’t always easy and I felt like giving up multiple times, but the reward was so worth every time I felt down and got hurt. 

I challenge y’all to look back at your 2012 and figure out what worked for you and what didn’t. If nothing changed, why not. If something did change, what can you do to facilitate positive change? Cheers to a wonderful 2013!

Do You Hate The Way You Look?

So this entry is going to be a little heavy and less upbeat that my previous posts. I think it’s a real issue that many individuals, both male and female experience at one point in time or another; even though it has probably been seen more heavily in female populations (yes sometimes I talk like the statistician that I am). The issue is having a negative body image. 

To get probably way too personal, I’ve gone through that a few times in my life and it’s just a horrible feeling. I feel as if it invades every aspect of my life and prevents me from focusing on anything. Sometimes I can’t even pinpoint what it is to cause such negativity and insecurity. Once I get it into my head that I am unattractive in one way or another, I have an overwhelming sense of sadness, irritability and insecurity. It governs how I act around friends, family and coworkers. It governs how long I take to get ready in the morning, the effort it takes to do my hair, makeup and choosing an outfit. It governs what I eat and drink. It governs what I choose to engage in in my free time. Most of all it governs my state of mind, really hindering me from focusing on or enjoying anything. 

While I can’t say that I won’t go through that again, what I can say is how I have gotten through that and the things I do to really build my internal confidence. The biggest and most helpful thing I do is a self-talk. I decide that focusing on my looks is really stupid and irrational. I know that it is, but really telling yourself helps. I also talk through the things that make me feel good about myself; accomplished. I also make the conscious decision to QUIT THINKING ABOUT IT! Once that decision is made, I try to keep busy with doing things I like to do, staying active and spending time with positive people. I also do things like buy cute stuff from Victoria’s Secret and hang out all day in it while watching TV or cleaning (silly, but helpful!).  I buy myself a cute Pinterest inspired outfit and shoes! I really look at myself and decide that I like myself and how I look. But most of all, I focus on the feelings I have when I’m happy and hold onto the thoughts around them. I discard the unhappy ones. 

Most of the time, we are being FAR too critical on ourselves. To everyone else, you may be perfect in one way or another! Try and see yourself in the positive light that other people see you! Also, surround yourself with people who are awesome, positive and genuine. I’ve found that being around people who are inauthentic and negative really wears on me, and I just have to distance myself from it. DO THAT. But most of all, love yourself. Decide you are awesome in some way. And keep on truckin’!

Relationships for Life

I was recently watching the movie Flight (do NOT watch it if you are about to travel…) that outlined the crash and subsequent investigation of a high functioning alcoholic and drug addicted pilot, played by DenzelWashington. During the whole movie, I couldn’t help but think where was this man’s friends and family? He had pushed everyone that truly cared about him so far away that he didn’t know which way was up and which way was right. The only people left were those that could benefit from him in some way. 

That got me to thinking at how lucky I am to have people around me that show me the way; that is encourage the right way and shake me when I’m doing the wrong thing. I’ve met many people and have been a part of many groups that have helped me to accomplish my ultimate goal of being a good person. I feel as if being a good person isn’t an ultimate destination, but it is the journey throughout our lives. Because life is never stopping, being a good person throughout it shouldn’t be stagnant either. 

It’s all about the journey to discovering yourself and what your places in this world will be. I say places because I LOATHE the notion that we are all good at one thing or have one niche. Every individual is a complex set of layers, talents, strengths and passions. Finding yourself and your places does involve other individuals, whether you’d want to admit it or not. Each individual you come in contact with does shape your life in some way, direct or indirectly. 

I’ve kind of made it hobby to make friends (if you know me, I LOVE making friends!) in all the facets of what I love to do. I also get a kick of being friends with people who are total badasses in what they do. Being around them makes me strive to be what they are and let me know that I can! Pushing people down that are awesome just pushes you farther away from being as awesome as they are. My heart truly breaks when I hear that individuals say things to people that are discouraging. I’ve been discouraged from doing things by authority figures as a kid and it really does stay with you forever. The only thing that really helped me to push through that discouragement was other individuals who supported my efforts in whatever endeavor I felt like attempting.

Building relationships has always been something that I very much value within my life. Meeting new and different people really does open up one’s eyes to many different ways of life, viewpoints and beliefs. While that sounds very abstract, once you experience it, it comes down to the concrete notion of knowing that people can differ from you and you can RESPECT them. Not the “agree to disagree” or the “can’t we all just get along?” ridiculous notions. Different viewpoints help you to stay grounded. Staying grounded helps you to stay on the right track to being a good and successful person and help you to not make decisions that could ultimately ruin your life.Isolating yourself from people that really have your best interests at heart WILL ruin your life.