Keepin it Real

Hey y'all! It's been a LONG time since my last post. Honestly, life has gotten busy and I haven't had as much time to think through things - I'm not going to post for posts sake. One of the things that I've been grappling with lately is what I really want to do with my life. Everyone makes it sound so simple - have a family, a career, travel the world, etc. That isn't really what I'm talking about, though those are great goals to aspire to - I'm talking about what do you want to do day to day to be happy and fulfilled. THAT is a much harder question. The thing that makes it so hard is that you THINK certain things will make you happy and they do, but the over time, it becomes another chore in life.

Personally, I struggle with the whole closure thing. I'm not good at knowing that something good has run its course and having the courage to walk away. I'm always trying so hard to hold onto every little positive thing or success that sometimes I hold on too tightly and end up stressing myself out. I also loathe the phrase "Are you stressed? when my entire life is stress. It might not be stress about my survival, more like, self imposed stress. I'm trying to do a good job with everything I do and make sure I can balance my many commitments. I'm digressing, but I wanted to make that point - life is stress for me.

Back to my earlier point, how do you know when to walk away from something and try something new? What would that something new be? Well, as I said, I'm not the best at identifying that. Typically, something happens that forces me into a new position. I'll admit, the biggest obstacle is overcoming my own fear. Even if things are going badly, I think about that it could be worse and the unknown is worse. That isn't necessarily true, but that's my line of thought. People always say the grass is greener on the other side (until you get to the other side and then it's not as nice as you think it is).

I also struggle with knowing if I'm giving up or not. I'd describe myself as persistent and resilient and I don't want to feel like a quitter. I always am trying to get better and trying to do more, but at what point is that futile? I think that it takes a good look in the mirror and some honest questions - is this helping me or the other party anymore? Is this great job, relationship, hobby, etc. what it should be? If not, is it worth my energy to repair it, or do I need a break or to move on?

Now, I've admitted I'm not good at this, but one thing I know is that every time I've lost a job or relationship that is stressing me out, I've felt like a huge weight is lifted. I'm upset, sure, but I feel like I'm breathing air rather than drowning in water. Maybe placing yourself on the "greener" side theoretically would help, maybe jumping headfirst in would help.

By doing the above, you can start to get real with yourself. What do you want out of life? What do you want to contribute? What do you hope to see, do, experience? I'm a NOT a planner as it limits me, personally, but a rough understanding of yourself is necessary to be open to opportunities or experiences that will change your life. Keep it real with yourself and your life.