I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY! That was my first drama lesson in high school. I remember going into the class being excited to learn something new, but it was a little out of my element. I had danced and am a vocal person, but I always portrayed myself, rather than others. Everyone in my class was SO much better than me at this stuff and I kind of wanted to sit back and watch. Learn, observe and then try. Well, Mr. Ramseur had other ideas. We were to each go on stage and say that phrase loudly. Ok – I am a LOUD person, but I was terrified to do this! It was just a couple of words in front of people I knew, but I kept thinking, what if I do it wrong, what if I’m not loud enough, I have this reputation of being vocal I want to uphold, I dance, I should be able to do this…..all of those thoughts swirling in my head. I got up on stage and did it. It wasn’t perfect, I was told to be louder and separate the words, but I did and strangely, that one drama lesson comes up in my mind over and over again throughout life.

I DO have something to say – lots to say. Now, I’m not trying to say I should vocalize every thought, but putting them together to say SOMETHING is necessary. Staying silent because you aren’t sure if it is perfect or if you will say it right isn’t ok. You have to try, fail, adjust to say your something. There isn’t a perfect time to say it – you sometimes just have to go with it. I think many of us have something to say and we don’t because of the above reasons and more.

What sparked me writing this entry is that I read someone’s Facebook status today that was so well put together and a sad social commentary on how she sees the world treating her and her family based upon their ethnicity and religion. It had to have been scary to put that out there. You never know who of your “friends” will disregard your words and thoughts and make it a big joke. You never know if you are inadvertently offending someone or if someone will think less of you based on what you put out there. I would hope that as friends that you both would care enough to understand the issue at hand and be EMPATHETIC of others’ situations, even if you disagree.

That’s my something to say. I think that we lack empathy as a whole. If something doesn’t affect you directly, you are less likely to empathize with those that do. And then do something to change their situation, no matter how small. Take the step back and really SEE people. So – I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY and today it’s a challenge to see the world in a different way and understand other perspectives. Empathize with plights and help celebrate successes. And have something to say. 

Ain’t No Follow Back Girl

I recently had to go through and reduce the number of handles that I follow on Twitter as I hit my 2,000 limit since I have less than 2,000 followers (barely). As I was going through and unfollowing those that don’t follow me back, I was REALLY upset to find that most of these were large brands that I really LOVE! These brands I have interacted with at least once, mostly positively. I felt like I didn’t matter to them – that my tweet that their product made my day or that I loved something that they did was falling on deaf ears. That may not be the case, but that is how I felt.

Now, I work for a large brand’s social media team and we do have some guidelines surrounding following fans, but there aren’t many. Most of the time, I’ve seen following happening when we want to engage via DM (direct message). We also utilize it with positive interactions to further our conversation and send little gifts. It would make my DAY if brands I loved or brands that helped me through a tough situation would follow me back. They might not read every tweet I send out, but it would make me feel as if they are listening and that I’m more than just a number on a chart to them. 

I got to thinking as to why this wasn’t a standard practice. Maybe there was some big reason I was missing for following people back. Would they get crazy DMs? Would following result in people thinking you agree with a specific user’s views? Or is it pure laziness – do we only react to tweets and not think about an ongoing relationship with a fan?

I honestly don’t know the answers to these questions, but I think they are worth asking. What are the potential drawbacks to following fans and even employees? What are the potential benefits? Why do we not do this already? I’d love to hear any thoughts around it! My stance is this – engagement isn’t a one-time thing. We want to grow relationships as much as we can online between brands and fans. (Goes along with being genuine and authentic). But when I notice that none of my favorite brands follow me when I interact with them on the regular, it makes me feel like those interactions are fake, disingenuous and inauthentic. That is exactly NOT how I would want a fan of my brand to feel. So give the follow back to your fans – it goes a long way! 

My Story

I was asked to write a biography for a dance team that I recently auditioned for (and was unfortunately, not selected). I had no idea what to write! I felt like some things they wouldn't care to hear or it wouldn't come across as professional. It might not have, but after writing it and reading it, I was so PROUD. I didn't realize how far I had actually come, how many failures I've had to endure just to get to the few really amazing successes. I think we all have gone through these types of ups and downs, but putting it on paper made a huge difference. It also showed me just how many people have touched my life in so many positive ways!

Here is my dance story -

I have danced since the age of 3. I studied many forms throughout the years and being open to learning new styles and genres has afforded me many opportunities that I could never have predicted. I split my childhood between Maryland and Georgia. While in Maryland, I joined a company called Rhythm N Shoes and was on one of the first competitive pee-wee/mini groups in the state. We competed all over the Northeast. Due to the unique nature of my team, we were asked to audition to be a part of a Prudential Life Insurance Commercial. The producers and director picked 5 girls and I was chosen! That was one of my first experiences dancing as a job and I loved every minute of filming.

Moving to Georgia at age 8 was one of the biggest transitions I’ve ever undergone. Not only was it a completely different culture than in Maryland (and the fact that I had to make all new friends), the dance scene was very different. The big thing at the time there was clogging. I joined 2 studios in the area to get a feel for the differences – one competed and one did not. The studio that competed required that all dancers take clogging classes in addition to ballet, tap and jazz. I had never heard of such a thing, but was eager to try. Clogging became one of my most favorite forms of dance after that! I went on to compete nationally and take home many championships with my team. We also got very unique opportunities to perform all over the country and abroad. I was part of a group that did a mini-tour through the south and we performed at the Grand Old Opry, Sea World in Florida and on a Disney Cruise (the ship itself and at one of the islands in the Caribbean). You can still catch me doing it in the grocery store today!

 In addition to the competition scene, I still trained and the non-competitive studio. The owner was Royal Academy trained in ballet and she had a stellar staff that included a

former Atlanta Falcons Cheerleader. Once I got to high school, I tried out for my cheer team but did not make it and was really discouraged. I consulted with the former professional cheerleader to see how I could improve and she offered me a spot on the Junior Atlanta Falcons Cheerleading team. I was able to perform during pre-game and halftime shows at the Georgia Dome and got my first look into the world of professional cheer and dance for sports teams. I was hooked. Through that organization, I was able to audition for the NBA All Stargame dancers when the game came through Atlanta and was selected! I was assigned as a back-up dancer for the halftime performance with Mariah Carey - which is probably the most surreal experience I’ve ever had (I'm in the back right wearing a Chicago Bulls jersey). I knew that I wanted to do this long term. In addition to that, I participated in many ballet productions with this studio including The Wizard of Oz, The Sound of Music and Scrooge the Musical. Fun fact – I nearly almost always played a boy in these productions because I loved to jump and turn.

After high school, I decided to attend UT Dallas on an academic scholarship for two reasons. The first was that the university was a great fit for me from an academic and student life standpoint - lots of research, clubs and organizations available. The other was that I wanted to experience the dance scene in Dallas, which was and is very different than in Atlanta. I did not make the dance team at UTD, which was one of the primary reasons I selected the school, so I tried out for cheerleading thinking that I probably would not make it, just like high school. However, to my surprise, I was selected and cheered all four years for the Comets. I also accidentally got a minor in dance in addition to my degree in Psychology. Accidentally, because I was not actively pursuing it – I just took so many classes and participated in the UTD Dance Ensemble that my advisor told me to declare it as I had the hours already. I also took my first modern/contemporary class at UTD, which led to many performances with other universities in the area as well as great companies like Battleworks. UTD also gave me the great experience of being in a sorority – Kappa Alpha Theta. I could write a novel on how that organization has shaped my life and helped me, but I won’t here. I can say that they lead me to never give up on my dreams, kept me dreaming big, introduced me to my favorite philanthropic cause that I still support today and helped me to evolve and grow in almost every aspect of my life. Thorough that organization, I was awarded academic, philanthropy and spirit awards. I also represented Theta as Ms. Greek at UTD. I still am an active alumnae for Theta and am a volunteer advisor for recruitment for my chapter – I want to give back some of what I have been given.

After my undergrad years, dance had to take a backseat to my graduate degree. While pursuing my masters, I did teach dance at a recreation center and was the sole dance person on staff. I taught ages 3-15 in ballet, tap, jazz, hip hop and cheer. That was my outlet amongst the difficulties of graduate school. I loved my studies and work within the field today (Industrial Organizational Psychology), but it really took all of my time and attention to be able to perform well and grasp the information. It wasn’t just about classes – I had to conduct research and present findings on national levels. My research, symposiums and posters, were accepted at UT Arlington’s ResearchFair, Industrial Organizational/Organizational Development conference and the Society of Industrial Organizational Psychologists conferences. I can talk all day about selection, statistics and human resources if you ask me! I love that my job helps people find the best fit for them for a job and for an organization. I don’t take any selection decisions lightly as it affects people’s lives and well beings. In addition to this background, I got heavily into social media and digital marketing through my first job as a research consultant. I love being able to help people more efficiently and impact them in positive ways. I still brought dance into the workplace by coordinating flash mobs and routines for conferences or events like Taco Bell’s 50^th anniversary. I love bringing that component of myself to my coworkers and associates – it makes people happy.

Once I became financially stable following graduate school, I decided to re-try my dream of dancing on a sports team in Dallas. I have to be honest – this city intimidated me. Everyone was so put-together, had amazing training and knew so much that I did not. In addition, I was coming into the game late at 25 years old when many of these talented women enter the game at 18. I had to catch up and fast. I had to learn the styles in Dallas and lose the weight I put on through school. I had to learn nutrition which is no easy task later in life. I lost a total of 26 pounds and made the Texas TornadoSiren Dancers in 2012 and loved every minute of being on that team. I had never really experienced hockey up close and now I follow it and am a huge fan! The following year, I danced with the Texas Revolution Dancers and loved that I got yet another experience with a different team and sport. Through those experiences, I’ve met so many people, made life-long friendships with girls on my teams or girls I met in classes and learned so many things that I don’t want to stop dancing, if I can help it.

 I’ll leave you with one of the best quotes that was shared with me, especially during times of failure as I’ve had my share of them – Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined – Thoreau. While I love that quote, I want to the live the life I cannot imagine – sometimes you just can’t imagine the best and most beautiful experiences in life! 

Go, FIGHT, Win! Who doesn't miss college?

Who doesn’t miss their college years? I sure do – and not for reasons that you might think. I really loved going to different classes and learning about so many different subjects. I feel like I was almost rushed through it to obtain a degree and go out into the job market. While travelling abroad, I wished that I had taken more classes on foreign language, art – practical and historical, world history and world events. I wished I had the time to catch onto subjects that weren’t my forte (looking at you, chemistry).  Those classes didn’t really figure into my degree, so they were left by the wayside. I miss the continuous growth and development and hard measures to ensure that you ARE growing. I miss the accessibility of experts when you had questions or needed help getting something (Google isn’t always the answer, but it’s a good place to start!).

I miss the flexibility that college afforded. I could work 4 jobs in completely different areas (part time, of course) but still cheer for my university, be in academic clubs and be an active member of my sorority. Nowadays, it’s tough to do anything outside of work because of the standard “you have to be in office to prove you are working” mindset.

I miss the friendships and accessibility to them. I was actually talking to a friend who lives in a different city about this the other day. It is pretty sad when you have friends that talk to you all day, but can’t get lunch with them. I’m so glad to have social media – otherwise keeping up with people is really close to impossible. People move, start families and are at different points in their lives. I want to keep in touch with my friends who are moms just as much as my friends who live in Europe and just as much as people who are in the same place in life I am. It’s easier to gravitate towards those who are in similar spots – my mom friends really don’t want to come to a happy hour at 6pm because their kids need their attention. Conversely, I don’t want to hang out at a kid-friendly place with no kids (sorry, makes me feel awkward. But college afforded an arena where everyone was on the same page, even if they weren’t going through that era in the same way. I loved being able to have instant lunch or pool friends because they happened to be on campus. I loved working with my peers if they didn’t have time to hang out. I even visited friends when they were working, or went to intramural or university games in which they were playing or participating. There was always someone to see.

I miss the clubs and groups. I loved being on a cheer team, doing master dance classes for free with my ensemble and talking about neuroscience, even though that ended up not being my major – as an adult there are few options for hobbies anymore. For example, I’ve been looking to take an art class for adults and have come up rather empty. I miss my sorority. I miss having a weekly meeting where we conducted ritual to remind us that we are aspiring to be better than we are. That we had to think about others, including current, past and future members and how we can help each other be successful – whatever the definition of success for that individual might be. I miss the lessons on how to work with friends and how to work with people who you would definitely not call a friend, but you would call them your sister. I miss the activities that would build us as a group, but also as an individual. What sparked these thoughts was the picture here. We wrote our name on a kite at sisterhood retreat and each member wrote a message on there. Reading them made me tear up with happiness – the messages ranged from saying I’m a great dancer to that I’m a strong and fearless woman. Even though that happened about 10 years ago, I still needed to hear it. It felt like it did when I first read them.

I feel like each component of college offered so many lessons, relationships and so much knowledge that really gets squashed afterwards. I FIGHT to have multiple interests and I FIGHT for my dreams to stay alive. I FIGHT for my relationships and I FIGHT to be sure that they don’t fizzle away. I also wonder why it has become this way. Why do we let this happen as post-graduates or even adults? You don’t have to go to college to have these same types of feelings – who hasn’t had to give up on a dream due to time and finances? Who hasn’t let people who you once spent every moment with drift away? I don’t think that’s healthy or right. I think that there are ways that we can continue that growth and continue those connections. You need to hear those positive messages from your friends and they need to hear them from you. The world might not be set up for all of that, but I’ll be sure to FIGHT for it. 

Eavesdropping on Recruiting

Listening to my recruiters call potential candidates, do phone screens and set up interviews has really become a ritual. I sit in a cube near them and while I’m posting to social media, researching vendors, wrangling vendors (LOL), investigating hard-to-fill areas and looking for ways to help them in general, I hear “Good afternoon, may I speak with..” “Hey, I’m just giving you a call back to check on your status of paperwork..” “Ok, I can walk you through this process, it will take about 10 minutes…” ”Do you have time between 2-4pm for an interview…” “ While on the interview be sure to be professionally dressed and really talk about your experience and excitement for the position..” and the list goes on and on.

What occurred to me the other day is that these people, MY recruiters are truly helping others. While it might seem like an automated machine of filling requisitions and jobs, they WANT these people to get jobs. I hear them talk about their candidates and how they get frustrated when the hiring manager doesn’t give them the time of day when they are a good candidate. Or when the candidates act like they are telemarketers – they really are trying to get this person a job and squared away to be hired! I also hear them coach them after the hiring manager decides not to hire them. They ask about the interview, ask what was said and provide feedback based upon the hiring manager. I would have LOVED to get that early on in my career or even now! Interviews often feel weird when you are denied a position – how can I improve? I’m hearing them do this for their candidates, whether they are part time or salaried.

Sometimes recruiting gets a bad rap. Recruiters are like salespeople in a lot of ways – they are selling the job and organization to a candidate. They are looking to assess fit on the front line and are looking for people that WANT to work; who would be a good addition to the team. I hear candidates and hiring managers tell these people that they do not have the best interests of others at heart – that they just want to reach numbers. That isn’t what I’m seeing. I’m seeing people trying to do right by others. I hear it every day. And I’m proud to hear it! 

Through the Eyes of Someone Else

I’ve been trying to gather my thoughts on the current state of race relations within the United States for quite some time now. It isn’t an easy thing to do, as you have opinions thrown from people, the media, “experts,” your friends and family, etc. and you SHOULD sift through that information to get to a conclusion. I think people that try to simplify that issue are tending to ignore how many things it actually touches. We – as humans, do have the tendency to categorize things to lighten our cognitive load and a lot of that categorization is based on sight as it takes the least amount of energy (unless there is a physical disability). While we can say all we want that “I don’t see color,” you do – even if you are colorblind you see changes in shade, darkness and hue. You see it. You live your lift based on it. Admitting that is the first step.

I am not coming from a self-righteous place. I used to be the one saying, wow these people use their race to get what they want, I’m not racist, I have black friends and LOVE their culture (especially their dancing) and if they would just act right around cops or authority, they wouldn’t have an issue. Those are all fine and not inherently hurtful or malicious, but they are part of the problem. All of these are not taking the step back and realizing that the world that YOU or I see as a white individual is NOT the world that someone who is perceived or IS a non-white individual sees. Getting to that place took a very long time for me. I mean, I’ve had struggles and I just didn’t understand why that group would harp on things (at least that’s what I always thought). So I’ll give you a glimpse into the journey of understanding that I’ve gone on. It will never be complete, but I think it’s important to note that it takes hard WORK and a hard look at yourself and things that make you feel secure.

The first foray I had into this was in high school. I was a PROUD member of the step team and I was a cheerleader. I was the only white girl on the step team and loved it. That group taught me all kinds of really cool things and were very accepting of the notion of me wanting to be a part of their group, even though I was different. They let me help with dance choreography, since I did it for the cheerleaders and it made me feel like I was contributing too! Then we were all called into the office because of “vulgar dance moves” and they were calling for the immediate disbandment of the group. The sponsoring teacher was even pressured into not sponsoring it. I spoke up – I said I did the choreography and the move that they were referring to was actually in the cheerleaders’ choreography as well. I went on to say further that in this instance in the past with the cheerleading team, if something was deemed offensive, it was communicated and we would rectify it before the next performance. Why was this group automatically disbanded? They let it go and we were able to continue, but the significance of that double standard hit me much later in life. I still didn’t get that my step team EXPECTED to be treated differently until years later.

The second time I saw a difference in how the world treats non-white individuals was when I had a coworker offer me a ride home from my first job after grad school. My car wasn’t working and he generously offered to drive out of his way so I didn’t have to wait on a friend. He was a black man. On our way through an upper middle class area (I don’t even think it was a predominately white area, but I could be wrong), we were pulled over. Now, I am a NOTORIOUS speeder and have been pulled over 19 times. I am used to traffic stops, but what happened next was shocking to me. As soon as we pulled into a lot (to not block traffic) the cop rushes towards the car with his flashlight up yelling “HANDS ON THE WHEEL.” Mind you, my friends hands were already there. No cop had ever said that to me. Every time I was pulled over, I was always digging for my license and insurance card. Once he got up to the window, he looked at me and asked if I was ok, which completely caught me off guard and I answered yes. Then he turns back to my friend and asked if he knew what he did wrong. We BOTH answered no (he wasn’t speeding or violating traffic laws that I knew of). The whole time I felt like we had done something really wrong and the cop was really aggressive. Come to find out, the headlight was out. Once we both reacted with surprise and both thanked him, he let us go. Now – let’s be clear. This wasn’t about the outcome, this was about the IMMEDIATE suspicion of wrongdoing and aggressive actions taken. I’ve never experienced that, even when I back talk police, much like the girl in McKinney, TX at that pool party. If I get pulled over for no reason or asked to do a sobriety test when walking from a TGI Fridays to my car, I definitely ask for the cause in a not so nice way. I’ve never had negative consequences because of it.

Right or wrong, I never experience aggression on that level in my many conversations with cops. It could have been because I got all nice cops, but it could also be that I’m not categorized as a threat as a white woman. While these categorizations can be helpful, being cognizant of how they can be harmful is just as important. We’ve seen so many examples of people who seemed like they weren’t a threat (John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy, Aileen Wuornos) that actually were and we’ve seen people who looked like a threat that were not (Eric Garner, Dajerria Becton, Milton Hall). I’m not blaming cops specifically, but since they are the ones enforcing the law (and I thank them for that and their service), they tend to be the ones highlighted. It isn’t JUST cops that do this. I categorize too. I notice if I’m walking alone in a parking garage and I see a man that I immediately get my keys ready as a possible self-defense weapon and walk faster. I don’t do that when a woman is around. While that is categorization, it doesn’t mean it’s right. I have to look for signs of a threat rather than using the shortcut of my sight.

I provided two examples of when I really started to see that people are systematically treated differently based upon how they are categorized. I’ve experienced it as well, being a woman and all. Growing up, I refused to think that I couldn’t do things because I was a girl. I never felt like I was less than men – I killed at math and played sports and was strong. The overt treatment is few and far between, it’s the subtleties that speak the volumes. I’m categorized as not knowing anything mechanical or technical and that I want to get married and have a family. that I can sew. While one of out of those three examples is true, that’s what is attributed to me by mere sight.

Once I started to understand how I was categorized, I started to REALLY LOOK at how others were categorized. How they were treated straight off the bat from most people. How it differed between groups (i.e. a woman categorizing a woman vs. a man categorizing a woman vs. a woman categorizing a man and same goes for races, perceived sexual orientation and religion as sight only provides a perception of those two). How it was more positive for some groups and more negative for others.

I also started to really listen to my friends in other groups. They are MY FRIENDS! Why would I discount their views without giving them adequate listening time, thought time and question time? Many of my friends who have been saying this for years I never even ASKED. That isn’t being a friend. And many of them were so happy I finally did. It took a lot of courage on my part and a lot of patience on theirs, but seriously, if you can’t ask your friends about their views and accept them, even if you inherently disagree, you aren’t being a good friend. I also didn’t just hide or unfriend them on social media because I disagreed with their views. Evolving as a person and seeking out differing views is what makes you a better person – it helps you grow. I also did a lot of reading. I read anything I could on the subject from both sides of the fence.

But what occurred to me the most is that we aren’t necessarily on opposite sides. No one likes to be categorized negatively based upon how they look. We have all of these stories and adages of how people look one way and prove to be something else. “Never judge a book by its cover.” I think a step in the right direction is to accept people’s experiences as their reality even if it is not yours. And have the compassion to try and make it better by “walking a mile in their shoes” even if it is figuratively. Think through events and how you would be treated if you were categorized differently. How would that mechanic treat you if you were a black woman? What about the bouncer if you were a white male? How about a waitress if you were an Asian woman? Or a fellow airplane passenger if you were an Arab male? THAT is the first step to opening your eyes and that is the action you can take. We all say we want peace, understanding and less violence and frustration. Take the step to get there rather than just saying it. See the world through the eyes of someone else. 

Have Courage and Be Kind

I was thinking about life, karma, fairness and hard times. It’s been an ongoing thought to ponder for me over the past few years – as times haven’t been perfect, but hey – they never are. I always to try to think about my blessings and what is going well. Even though outward appearances can appear otherwise, everyone has problems and struggles – they might be different in gravity, but they are there. I recently saw Cinderella and it tied into my thoughts as of late.

One of the biggest things we HOPE in life is that if you do good, you’ll have good things happen to you and if you do bad, then there will be consequences. Life has taught me that this is true, but that sometimes it’s blurred as to what good and bad outcomes look like for each person. It might seem like they do horrible things and get good outcomes, but that might not be the case – and it might be. One of the things that I have come to find is that sometimes you do great things and you still have bad things happen. It could be bad from relationships, family, financial, work, etc. standpoints, but nothing is ever perfect. The bad tends to come in waves towards me. When things go south, it tends to be multiple things that go badly – I have to pay some insane amount of money for some mistake I could have avoided or I have to be the glue for my family or I lose a source of income. (Yes this has all happened in 2 months to me). I keep trying to do good, help others and be kind, but it gets tough. How can you keep persevering and helping others when you need help yourself?

After seeing Cinderella, I loved one of the many messages that it had (this was probably the most

overt message of the bunch). Things go bad for no reason. Sometimes you really don’t have control in it. People can be mean and cruel and it just quite frankly, sucks. Cynical outlook, huh?! Not really, it’s just the truth. HOWEVER you DO have a tiny bit of control. You have control over yourself and not losing yourself based on bad situations. You can CHOOSE to be kind. You can CHOOSE to forgive. It isn’t easy, and takes an HUGE amount inner strength (which I think Cinderella possesses ). Being able to choose to react to situations in this way takes a ton of courage. You can have the courage to choose to not let a situation define you. You can definitely learn from the bad times, but don’t let it impact your overall persona. Have the courage TO be kind, no matter the situation.

Offering Forgiveness

One of my New Year’s Resolutions this year was to offer and accept forgiveness better. That is one of those resolutions that is really hard to measure progress on – there isn’t a picture I can take of before and after or say yes, I have done this TODAY, so it’s over. It’s a process and sometimes it can be difficult to identify ways to accomplish this specific goal. In light of my current situation, I feel that I’ve offered forgiveness and empathized with others’ rather than focus on myself when it would be so easy to. I’m proud of the way I responded, and I hope that I do this every time that I have the control to forgive and make a situation better.

I was recently laid off from my primary job. Any time I share that with people, I get the obligatory “I’m sorry,” and most people ARE genuinely concerned. This always surprises me, but that is a story for another day. The circumstances surrounding that decision aren’t really fair, but nothing ever is. I feel like I’ve been forced to abandon my team and clients in a time when they need me most. My team’s hands are tied and most were quite shocked and upset for me and this situation. My management team has shown that they care for me and my situation. I could tell they were scared that I would blame them – it really wasn’t in their hands. It would have been so easy for me to allocate blame and lash out at the people who cared for me the most, the people I see daily and who I look to for leadership. It would be easy to be angry and closed off and make them feel even worse about the situation. Even though it would have been easy, it would not have been right.

These people, some of which I’ve worked with for nearly a decade, cared for me inside and outside of work. They WANT me to be on their team; they see my strengths and help with my weaknesses. They are my friends and I know that they don’t “have it out” for me. Sometimes business is just business and it, quite frankly, sucks sometimes. You can’t throw away relationships just because of one bad event – even if that event is really affecting you adversely.

I made the effort to reach out to my team and tell them, I know it isn’t your fault entirely. I forgive you for anything that happened that you think is your fault. I know you have my best interests at heart and are still my friend –regardless of the situation at hand. I did all of this while thinking of my resolution and thinking of why I wrote it.

I wrote it because sometimes situations aren’t worth burning long forged friendships even if it seems like that is the case. Maybe taking a step back for a while or realizing that these people really aren’t trying to hurt you will help (not in all cases, but in many). By just offering that one step towards forgiveness, the relationships strengthen tremendously. I’ve had people forgive me when I’ve hurt them intentionally or unintentionally when I feel like I didn’t deserve it, but I am eternally grateful that they let me have a second chance. You screw up, you’re human – admit it, move on and keep trying to be better. This is one step that I hope to keep making and I hope to have more examples to share throughout the year!