Liars and Cheats

So, I’ve been sitting on this entry for a while now, because I don’t particularly like to post when I’m angry. Being angry is ok, but I think sometimes it blinds you to facets of situations because you have such a strong visceral reaction to them. I’m not as angry anymore, but this post is still in need of seeing the light of day. 

One thing that REALLY grinds my gears (haha) is when you go out of your way to help someone, develop someone, etc. and they completely stab you in the back. Now, I’m not saying I help people to get something out of it, but you don’t expect the person you help to try and intentionally hurt you in some way or take advantage of you. This has probably happened to everyone once or twice or even a million times. And it probably makes you feel hurt, used, violated and above all, angry. 

I’ll give a few examples of when I was angry because of someone lying or cheating me out of things. I let someone live with me who had nowhere else to go, helped them find a job, let them pay rent whenever they could and overall helped them to establish a life after a bad event. This person decided to try and move out without telling me because of a fight or something and leave me holding the bag that was the apartment financially when I really couldn’t. I had a right to be angry. I helped this person when even their family couldn’t and I got burned. Another example is a good friend of mine helped several people develop in their field. They took people with limited innate talent and gave them the tools they needed to be successful. What did my friend get? People trying to get her in trouble with her employer because they disagreed with a decision she made. Oh and the kicker? Spread lies about her to try and defame her character. Should she be angry? Should she feel hurt and betrayed? Absolutely. 

Honestly, I think you shouldn’t try and avoid those feelings. It’s OK to feel badly when someone does something not so nice to you or to someone you care about. Especially when you or someone you care about has gone out of their way to help, develop, teach etc. this individual. I know people say “you live and you learn” but learn what? What do you get out of these situations? Do you never help anyone again? Do you never help that person again? Do you lose trust in others? What do you learn from these situations?

What I’ve learned and come to see is that you shouldn’t learn to not trust. You shouldn’t learn to not go out on a limb for someone when they need help or when you think you can change their life. What you should learn is how to let go of the feelings of hurt, betrayal and anger. Focus on the times where you’ve helped someone and they have been amazingly successful and/or grateful for the opportunity you gave them. Focus on the fact that helping people is great. 

In the back of my mind, I know that lying and cheating really never result in positive things. Try and focus on the positive things that happen in general. And to all you liars and cheats out there, know that when you burn someone, it has a tendency to come back to you. In spades.