Dealing With the Bad

I lost my little sis in my sorority, Lila on December 14, 2010. She was only 24 years old and had a hemorrhagic stroke (or so I was told, I didn’t want to ask many questions) on December 9^th and never recovered. How crazy is that? A beautiful, sweet, smart girl who was in law school and working toward a better future just isn’t here anymore?

It’s been a tough week for me so far. I had a GREAT day yesterday, but I had this constant feeling of anger and sadness. I got a call from my sister that one of her friends passed away over the weekend in a car wreck, at 20 years old. It just doesn’t seem fair right? I thought maybe my state of emotions emerged from trying to help her cope, while re-living a lot of my past and current feelings regarding Lila’s sudden death. Then, I looked at my dad’s Facebook profile (I know, weird, but whatever) and it all fell into place. Yesterday, February 28^th, 2011 would have been my grandmother on my dad’s side’s 77^th birthday. She was a huge part of my life, and everyone said we were just alike in a lot of ways. I LOVED to talk for hours on the phone with her. For her birthday, I always would call and my dad would always set up some sort of surprise. One time, while we were living in Georgia and she was living in Maryland, my dad called to sing to her Happy Birthday (which she loved). She was intently listening while my dad (who had flown in from Atlanta that morning) walked through her front door. He said that she screamed and was so happy to have him visit.

 

I often wonder what life would be like if she or Lila were still here, but that just puts me in a constant state of sadness. I like to think Lila and she are still with me, but it just isn’t enough. I don’t have any sage advice to go with this blog at all. I just think that people often don’t share certain things and “go down the rabbit hole” so to speak of bad thoughts. My goal is to say, these things happened, and honestly, there isn’t a silver lining (outside of believing they are in a better place), and I hope that others can relate and not harbor bad thoughts for a long period of time. Quite frankly, it’s exhausting. I think sharing these feelings and recognizing that others have gone through a similar situation is comforting in a way. Constant thoughts about a situation that you cannot change are futile, reach out to those who are still here, and change your own situation. That is how I deal with bad situations in general. You have to decide to change the sad thoughts into happy ones, which by no means is an easy task (trust me I can’t do it very well all the time). You also have to decide how you are going to change your overall outlook. It is definitely a growing experience and I will get back to you on how I handle it. But for now, I wish everyone happy thoughts and a great rest of the week!!