Missing Pieces

I know Friday’s aren’t t the best days for blogs, but hey, I can’t control when I’m inspired to do one! I was on my way to work this dreary morning in Dallas and I was listening to my favorite album (as of late) on my phone. It is definitely the Rock of Ages soundtrack. If you like classic rockmusic, I would highly recommend it! It has some really cool mixes of a couple of songs too, but I digress. Rock music always does something to me internally, where I feel as if it is flowing through me. Not sure if anyone else has experienced this visceral reaction to music, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one to have this feeling. It puts me in a great mood, which we all need when entering the office, haha!

While in this state and thoroughly enjoying the music, I was coming up with some really cool ideas for dancing, performing, etc. If you don’t know me, dancing is my artistic passion. It just gives a release of all of these big things that I feel or experience and just cannot be expressed in a different medium. I’ve often lamented on the fact that I am not an amazing singer, because I feel as if they can express some big things that I just cannot. Now that I’ve returned to dancing regularly, I have a constant way to express whatever I’m going through. It does a few things: 

1.  It makes dealing with bad things easier and it makes me really experience and cherish happy things.

2. It helps me to remember feelings about various events long term. While I was in grad school with my nose at the grindstone, I find that I have trouble remembering a lot of those 3 years. I think it was because I did not allow myself the time to really reflect on what was going on.

3. It makes me strive to find the perfect place in this world for me. 

I wanted to specifically talk about #3 a bit more. We all have goals that we want to reach within life. I think that because of the way that we are all moved through the American education system that there is a strict focus on our careers. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as being financially stable helps us to achieve other goals such as starting a family, becoming a homeowner, etc. The only thing that I would caution is that it really limits an individual in achieving their FULLEST potential. If I wouldn’t have went back and tried to make dance teams at age 25 (older in the dance world, haha) I would have never gotten to this level of contentment. I also would have been feeling pretty stagnant within my life as after school is over and you’re working, you’re just working. After being involved in so much for so long, I felt like something was missing. Or I was missing some key to happiness.

I was missing the rest of myself. I don’t think dance completely fulfills that missing piece, but it is a big part of it for me. My relationships and continuing cultivation of them was a piece. Being creative in general is a piece. The point I want to make is that I didn’t and still do not know all of the pieces of myself. I could be an awesome guitarist/rock god or I could be a talented painter. I won't know unless I visit those interests. As adults, I think we sometimes feel that we don’t have time to discover new things about ourselves; that time has passed. THAT IS A MYTH. Don’t ever settle; you don’t know what you may be missing!

I'm A Helper, How About YOU?!

I haven’t made an entry in a while, as I felt that I needed to have a strong willingness to write another blog entry. I didn’t want my thoughts to become just a weekly diary entry; I wanted them to be real, raw and relevant. (That alliteration was pretty good, and unplanned, haha). As I’m sure everyone knows, the #BostonMarathon bombings are currently rocking the media and the American people. I instantly felt the typical responses of “things like this should never happen, what is this world coming to, and who in their right mind would do this?”. This gives way to many negative thoughts in general about this world and the people in it, but I refuse to be that way and I challenge y’all not to give in to those pessimistic feelings, perspectives and overall outlooks. 

A quote that I keep seeing is from my favorite childhood TV character, Mr. Rogers from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood: “When I was a boy and saw scary things in the news, my mother would say to me ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” I’m sure many people have seen this shared all over every social media page and every post about this tragedy. Seeing images of people running towards the mayhem and helping injured away, hearing stories of marathon runners continuing to run to the hospitals to donate blood, seeing Google’s set up for finding people and providing information and hearing stories of the residents of #Boston opening their homes to those who needed shelter, food and a place to decompress. Those stories hit my heart more than the explosions did to begin with.

When I see these great examples of humanity, it helps to take away some of the pain of the tragedy. It helps me to see the good in the world and the good in MOST people. It also inspires me to be one of those “helpers.” Mr. Rogers started his show to put a little good in the world. While it is a small offering in the “grand scheme of the world” it was his and it touched many more lives than I think even he could have dreamed. 

That is what I hope to do as a good person, good citizen and overall good human being. Even if I can’t invent something life changing or discover something that will help millions of people, I do have control over who I DO choose to help out of those that I can. Even though everything in this world isn’t wonderful, a lot of it IS wonderful and CAN BE if people choose to make it that way. Choose to make the world wonderful. Do that in your everyday decisions, actions and words. I certainly will!!

Relationships at Work

During Valentine’s Day I was not only thinking about my “Valentine, “ though he did a great job hand delivering flowers to me at work and going on an amazing dinner date. I was thinking about how that day is really to revel in the happiness that are positive relationships with anyone; friends, family, coworkers, teammates, significant others, etc. I’ve often mentioned how important building relationships are outside of work, but I started thinking about what positive relationships at work look like and how to really GENUINELY cultivate them.

I’ve recently needed to quickly develop working relationships across departments in order to “get the job done.” This was necessary because I have gone through one acquisition in 2012 and will be doing another in 2013. The first acquisition was my boutique, hospitality driven consulting firm being purchased by a very large HR consulting firm. It was a firm I’ve always wanted to work for and I felt like I received a golden ticket. From that, many processes, products, etc. needed to be streamlined and a large amount of cross training had to be conducted. 

Throughout that process (and it is an ongoing one) I’ve attempted to learn different methodologies, apply ones that are most suitable for the situation, and suggest new and improved ways of doing things. I couldn’t do all of that had it not been for my consulting team really helping to train me on everything. Outside of my department, there are large components of project management and technology that I can’t possibly know everything about. But through a few friendly IM chats, emails and discussions on the phone, I now know who can help when I have a problem. They also know who to ask when dealing with what I do. In all of these instances, I feel like these relationships are mutually beneficial, very collaborative and team oriented and very positive working relationships. You don’t have to go out on weekends with all of your coworkers to have great relationships with them. 

The main point that I want to make is that these relationships take time, interest and actual cultivation. When I was developing these strong relationships, I took a genuine interest in learning, developing, the other person’s expertise and had GREAT respect for their time. The consideration for time and respect for their perspectives goes a long way (even in relationships not at work). Being genuinely interested in people shows and it helps you to develop good strong relationships more rapidly. I didn’t realize that being myself when talking with coworkers and taking a genuine interest in them would make finding out things and learning things so much easier. 

I have an example of trying to implement a new process for a client and I had NO idea how to actually distribute information, upload information into a different system, how to manage client expectations surrounding the new process, etc. I reached out to a project manager who is rather new, but that I have worked with previously on a similar task asking her the steps etc. She offered to help manage the project, found out whom to ask about my specific issue and learned something new about our processes. The person she reached out to walked me through a new system, showed me how to upload things, explained the process, informed me on a few pitfalls I could run into and gave me contacts in case anything went wrong. I honestly did not expect that my reaching out to a project manager would result in something so helpful, individualized and positive. 

Since then, I’ve become a “go-to” person when implementing this new process for a few of the consultants that haven’t worked in that space. It gave them more resources to utilize when doing something new and it helped me to give back a bit since they had taught me so much already. I felt as if my personal development has gone through the roof by having such good working relationships and it makes me a better employee as well as really enhancing my career. I challenge all of you to develop more and better relationships within your workplace; you’ll be surprised at the outcome!

Give it a YEAR!

While driving, I tend to reflect on things to not only keep the road rage at bay (hey, I live in Dallas), but also because I believe constant reflection is important. Continually assessing yourself, how you fit into the world (your job, your family, your relationships) is so very important. It helps me stay grounded and also helps me to plan what new adventure I’d like to tackle next. While driving to work in horrible fog and rain that paralyzes Dallas drivers from not riding the break or going the speed limit, I thought about how much you can actually change within a year’s time. Now a year as you get older (haha, like me) seems like a very short time to be able to accomplish major life changes, but I feel as if a year is a good way to measure if you have been actually attempting to do something differently. 

The past year, for me, has changed in many different ways. I still work at the same company and I still do Industrial Organizational Psychology, but I feel that my job has changed ten-fold for the better. I’m continually learning and growing and taking on new tasks and challenges. Peer training has been an amazing experience for me. There was a point in the past year that I was very upset with my job, the role, everything about what I was doing. And then I looked around within my group and organization and thought, hey, maybe I can learn new things within my function. So, I reached out to anyone that would listen whether it was my boss, the head of my department, more senior coworkers or coworkers on my same level. Really I talked to anyone that would listen to why I was upset and how I wanted to grow. Since then, I’ve taken on so many varied tasks and am learning and developing myself much more in the past year than I have in the three years prior. I really took initiative and took control of my feelings of unhappiness and made the best of out the situation. Now, I couldn’t be happier. I feel as if I’m really progressing and really developing. In one year, going from wanting to quit this job and career path, to excelling in it. 

I talk about the next thing a lot, as it is one of my passions. Last year at this time, I made the decision that I will dance on a professional or semi-professional dance team. I knew I had no idea the ins and outs on how to accomplish that, who to reach out to, what I needed to be doing to train; none of it. And I went to audition after audition and was cut in the very first round. Each time, it hurt my heart, confidence and dream. I got to the point that I almost stopped auditioning for the fear of rejection yet again. I did get some help from several people who told me to just keep trying. That someone will see my potential and really help me to develop that. Since then, I’ve made the Texas Tornado Sirens who support the Texas Tornado Hockey team and have really grown as a professional dancer. I’m training for audition season again, and have so much more experience, insight and confidence. I also have a lot more resources that I know who to ask when I don’t have a clue on what to do. So, in one year I went from the girl who gets cut first round to being on a dance team. 

Since being on the dance team, I had to change my workout schedules and nutrition just to be able to support the demanding physical activity and schedule that I held. I started out auditioning for teams and feeling like all the other women around me were much more fit and healthy. I attempted to get there, but it is really a case of “you don’t know what you don’t know.” Since I gained access to great resources, I’ve not only increased my overall health, I’ve lost 18 pounds since September. I wasn’t a large girl to begin with, but I feel much more energized, active and just GOOD. That wasn’t even a year’s time and I look forward to seeing what becomes of my journey to accomplish a healthier lifestyle. 

The point of this entry is to point out that taking control and making the decision to change your life for the better can have AWESOME results within a short time (JUST A YEAR). I challenge each reader to go for something that they have been holding out on, or to make a bad thing in your life better by taking control of what you can take control of. Sometimes, that isn’t always possible, but trying and continually trying can have very unexpected and positive results. Give it a year!!

Reflections of 2012

New Years Resolutions. Most of us make them and have broken them by now. I do think think that constantly re-evaluating your positions and goals is a good thing, but part of that is thinking back to the last year to see what, if anything changed and why. I’ll use myself as an example, especially since lots of things changed from January 2012 to January 2013 for me; most of them positive!

Last year at this time, I decided that I was going to do a few things. One of them was to audition and make a pro or semipro dance team within Dallas. That is easier said than done. While there are a lot of teams to audition for here, there is A LOT of competition. There are also unwritten rules, a component of networking and things that you just can’t know going into it, unless you’ve grown up in this area as a dancer. I auditioned and auditioned and auditioned. I even got to the point of wanting to quit. I would go to each audition optimistic, knowing that I had learned one more thing to do and then being cut fairly early on in the process. I would come home crying and spend the day wallowing just so that I could come up with a new game plan for the next audition, find out when the next prep classes were and try again. Then, it finally happened and I made a dance team for the Texas Tornado! I am still currently a Texas Tornado Siren Dancer (get it, haha) and my life changed DRAMATICALLY after that day. 

Since making that team, my resolutions of getting in shape and eating better kicked into high gear. While I was doing a normal version of that, being on a dance team that is very high visibility enhances those goals to a whole new level. It is required that I attend at least 3 Jay’s Bootcamps or Crossfit workouts a week, and in my off time, go to dance classes or hit the gym. With a schedule like that, I had no choice but to change my eating habits to keep up. I thanked my director after the first game for requiring this, because I just wouldn’t have been able to dance consistently for 3-4 hours; which is required on game days. 

In addition to that big change, I also wanted in January 2012 to become better at my full time position as an Assessment Consultant (HR related). My organization, BHI was acquired by Kenexa in November 2011 and I saw it as an opportunity to learn from some of the best currently practicing Industrial Organizational Psychologists. I knew of the head of my department before even starting due to his vast research body and contributions to our field. Needless to say, I was intimidated, but motivated to do more than I had been doing. I learned to speak up and take initiative in your career (even though I knew I had to, it was difficult to execute). I learned to coordinate with my VERY competent coworkers to learn from them. I had my highest acceptance rate to our annual conference, SIOP EVER this year, thanks to coordinating with my coworkers! I also learned that I could have real friends at work (something that I had never done). I feel like I’ve come so far professionally thanks to my organization and my coworkers in the past year. I also feel like I’ve done this in my own way, rather than following a strict path. I made my career my own this year. 

Those are just two examples of an overarching thing that I wanted to do in 2012. That is TAKING CONTROL of my life. That is, figuring out what I want out of my life and doing things to get me there. It isn’t always easy and I felt like giving up multiple times, but the reward was so worth every time I felt down and got hurt. 

I challenge y’all to look back at your 2012 and figure out what worked for you and what didn’t. If nothing changed, why not. If something did change, what can you do to facilitate positive change? Cheers to a wonderful 2013!