A Brand New Life Around the Bend!

So I’m sure many of you that are my Facebook friends know that Who’s the Boss is pretty much my favorite show of all time. I used to watch it when I was younger and I still get excited when I hear the theme song. I’ve always been a little weird with my tastes, haha! Yes, I know the plots are pretty predictable and Tony Danza is over the top, but I think it’s just a funny, cute show. Well, if you don’t know, it comes on at 1am currently and sometimes I stay up to watch it, especially if I’m working late. It just puts me in a good mood. 

The other day, I was working both jobs late and had a nice day, but it was definitely tiring. Who’s the Boss comes on and I just decide I have to watch it, even though I’m pretty sleepy at this point. The intro starts playing and I haven’t really listened to the lyrics in a while:

There's a time for love and a time for living.
You take a chance and face the wind.
An open road and a road that's hidden
A brand new life around the bend.
There were times when I lost a dream or two.
Found the trail, and at the end was you.
There's a path you take and a path untaken
The choice is up to you my friend.
Nights are long but you're on your way
To a brand new life,
Brand new life,
Brand new life around the bend.

I was kind of in shock. This has been my life for the past few years. And I think it’s probably applicable to most of us. I’ve lost things that I thought for sure would have lasted my entire life, mostly relationships, some dreams and goals due to external factors and some people have changed for the worse around me in ways that I could have never predicted. I also am in a place right now that I could have never predicted with great jobs, professionally dancing, healthy lifestyle and developing and cultivating some of the best relationships with the most spectacular people I have ever met. Some of these people you just don’t think exist! 

The lyric that resonated with me the most was the path you take and the path untaken, the choice is up to you, my friend. Wow, so true, in so many ways. I could be in a completely different state of mind, lifestyle, etc. if I would have chosen a path in college that seemed to be the easiest and the one most of my friends were choosing. That just wasn’t a good fit for me; it’s definitely worked out for most of them! I often think about the paths I didn’t take and where I would be if I would have taken them. I wouldn’t say dwell on it, but reflecting (as I always say) is always good. One of the paths I didn’t take was dance for a very long time. I was told over and over that I needed to go to school, focus on academics, etc. I did that, created a career and now I want to dance too. It seems like my paths for those two things have collided and I’m able to take both. That isn’t always the case, but if you have a path untaken, I’d explore ways to take it. You never know, a brand new life could be around the bend! It was for me!

Liars and Cheats

So, I’ve been sitting on this entry for a while now, because I don’t particularly like to post when I’m angry. Being angry is ok, but I think sometimes it blinds you to facets of situations because you have such a strong visceral reaction to them. I’m not as angry anymore, but this post is still in need of seeing the light of day. 

One thing that REALLY grinds my gears (haha) is when you go out of your way to help someone, develop someone, etc. and they completely stab you in the back. Now, I’m not saying I help people to get something out of it, but you don’t expect the person you help to try and intentionally hurt you in some way or take advantage of you. This has probably happened to everyone once or twice or even a million times. And it probably makes you feel hurt, used, violated and above all, angry. 

I’ll give a few examples of when I was angry because of someone lying or cheating me out of things. I let someone live with me who had nowhere else to go, helped them find a job, let them pay rent whenever they could and overall helped them to establish a life after a bad event. This person decided to try and move out without telling me because of a fight or something and leave me holding the bag that was the apartment financially when I really couldn’t. I had a right to be angry. I helped this person when even their family couldn’t and I got burned. Another example is a good friend of mine helped several people develop in their field. They took people with limited innate talent and gave them the tools they needed to be successful. What did my friend get? People trying to get her in trouble with her employer because they disagreed with a decision she made. Oh and the kicker? Spread lies about her to try and defame her character. Should she be angry? Should she feel hurt and betrayed? Absolutely. 

Honestly, I think you shouldn’t try and avoid those feelings. It’s OK to feel badly when someone does something not so nice to you or to someone you care about. Especially when you or someone you care about has gone out of their way to help, develop, teach etc. this individual. I know people say “you live and you learn” but learn what? What do you get out of these situations? Do you never help anyone again? Do you never help that person again? Do you lose trust in others? What do you learn from these situations?

What I’ve learned and come to see is that you shouldn’t learn to not trust. You shouldn’t learn to not go out on a limb for someone when they need help or when you think you can change their life. What you should learn is how to let go of the feelings of hurt, betrayal and anger. Focus on the times where you’ve helped someone and they have been amazingly successful and/or grateful for the opportunity you gave them. Focus on the fact that helping people is great. 

In the back of my mind, I know that lying and cheating really never result in positive things. Try and focus on the positive things that happen in general. And to all you liars and cheats out there, know that when you burn someone, it has a tendency to come back to you. In spades.

I'm BAAAAACK :)

I’ve been one busy lady for the past year or so and I’ve been so busy executing with life that I haven’t had time to write down my musings, reflections and advice. Blogging itself is pretty therapeutic and I feel the need to get back into it. I hope you missed me! I sure missed doing this! I was struggling as I couldn’t put my thoughts together into a coherent post due to being pulled in so many different directions by so many different people. I’ve since adjusted to that piece of my life and can begin to put my thoughts together again. For this post, I want to update everyone with my life and a bit of struggles that I’ve had to endure. Not all of them, but at least the tip of the iceberg.

Since my last post, work has become my life to a degree. I’m currently holding down 3 jobs, not because I have to, because I want to. And all of these jobs are becoming more and more demanding as I advance within each of them. Firstly, if you don’t already know, I’m a Human Resources Assessment Consultant. Most people ask me what that means and within the first 10 seconds of me trying to explain it, they glaze over and change the subject. What I do is really cool; at least I think so. I think Human Resources gets a bad rap because of the insane things it has to deal with sometimes and the perceived injustice on the part of the employee. Sometimes there is an injustice, sometimes there isn’t, but because it is at work and we have to have these seemingly RIDICULOUS rules, HR gets the brunt of the attack. The only thing that I’ll say about that is if there is a crazy rule or procedure in place, it’s probably because a crazy employee made it that way. It only takes one time, one person to make things sound crazy.  

But to clarify, I don’t work internally in HR. That means that I don’t work for a company and deal with that type of thing. I consult for them. They basically say, HEY WE HAVE A PROBLEM! CAN YOU HELP? And yes, I can! My main function is to understand what issues can be alleviated by an assessment. NOTE that I say ALLEVIATED, not solved. Human issues are never solved with one silver bullet. I think that realization is something that everyone really needs to understand and apply it to life, not only HR. Issues are complex, multilayered. A test/assessment won’t solve a problem as much as point you in the direction that you need to take or offer insight that might not have been as obvious. The coolest things that I experience is talking with people about what they do and why they like or dislike about their jobs, when I see a strong correlation between the assessment and our performance criteria and/or when I can design something that offers insight that is hard to get to. People who love what they do make what I’m doing worth it! I want people to be able to work in a job that supports them financially AND do something they actually like!  I’m assuming that you’ve glazed over but it still is pretty cool :)

My second job is a community manager for a large organization which means that I monitor social media accounts like Facebook and Twitter for them on nights and weekends. I felt like I got handed the keys to a Ferrari when I got the passwords to the social media accounts. My main job is to help people that are having issues with services, billing or just questions about things that they can do with their accounts. Sometimes people get really contentious, but when your things aren’t working or something is wrong, I expect a bit of frustration. The opportunity to help them drives me, even if I can’t do a whole lot. While this job is not nearly as complex as my consulting gig, I’m glad to have it and the new skills I’ve developed because of it. My team is great and I feel like I’m making a difference, even if it is small. 

My last job is dancing for the IFL team, the Texas Revolution. Yes, I am a PROFESSIONAL CHEERLEADER/DANCER! I get PAID to do that, how cool, right? What they don’t tell you is that your contracts with these types of teams stipulate workout regimens, appearance requirements and an overall attitude you must display. All of these are really straightforward, but it is hard to work out 3 times a week, work full time, dance and maintain sanity! I can tell you that all of those struggles are worth it to be able to perform in front of a crowd, be an instant role model for kids and having the opportunity to do something in line with my passion of dance. 

So yeah, I’ve been busy! All of these things offer a fulfillment for a different piece of me. I think the conventional way is to have 1 job and do 1 thing. “Find your niche” they say. Well, that isn’t enough. None of us are 1 dimensional. We are all very deep, multilayered, multitalented people with lots of interests. This past year has taught me that convention doesn’t fit me 100%, as I don’t think it completely fits anyone. I hope that you are pursuing your interests. Life does get busy and you have a lot of commitments to many people, but why do it if it isn’t worth doing?!

I’m BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK! And I can’t wait to share my thoughts and musings with y’all again!

Here's to YOU!

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently…they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.” – Steve Jobs

I recently saw “Jobs” the movie starring Ashton Kutcher outlining Steve Jobs’ rise in the technology industry. I had this strange PULL to see it, but because of the reviews and ratings, not very many people wanted to see it with me. I actually ended up with the ticket because Alamo Drafthouse was sold out of The Butler (another movie that I want to see!). I was strangely excited that it worked out the way it did, so that I could see this movie. 

Throughout the entire film, I was having trouble keeping it together. From the beginning, where they show Steve Jobs unveiling the IPod in 2001, to the time he gets funding for his “garage company,” to the time when he is forced out of apple, to the famous quote above. Each milestone, obstacle and failure spoke to me on a level that I am still reeling to understand. It should be noted, that Steve Jobs did not go about everything perfectly. He isn’t a God. He had human struggles, made human mistakes (sometimes HUGE ones), and was an “asshole” by many accounts. He did things in a way he saw right and sometimes, often lost perspective on other things. He was a human, just like the rest of us.

But I couldn’t help but think, even through the trials and tribulations, his life turned out in a way that it was supposed to. Not perfect, but GREAT. He was alive during the time and made opportunities for himself in the age of the development of information technology. He saw things that others didn’t. He built things that we continue to use now. 

While I am no engineer, and it’s hard to see the correlate I’m about to make, I FEEL that there is that in me. I can be GREAT. I don’t come up with innovative technology, but I see things differently in my own part of the world. I have had interests that are beyond my next paycheck. I’ve struggled working in a structured corporate environment. I want to focus on my random whims and ideas sometimes. I’m using myself as an example, but I feel that many of us can be GREAT. We can make an impact. We just have to figure out what it is meant to be and how to get there. 

 

The quote above refers to MANY people. Who among us isn’t crazy? Who among us has never felt like a mistfit? Have you ever rebelled or caused SOME sort of trouble? When have you not felt like you fit in? I think harnessing that different perspective that YOU have can make YOU great. People see me as crazy all the time. The phrase I hear over and over is “Oh, Belinda” no matter what I’m talking about or doing. Not always, but sometimes, I hit a stroke of genius that surprises even me. Typically that’s because I focused on something that someone else thought was dumb or crazy.

 I’m challenging myself to find out what exactly I can do to “make a dent in the universe” and I challenge y’all to do the same. It doesn’t have to be on the level of Steve Jobs, it doesn’t have to make you famous, it just has to have an impact.

“Things don’t have to change the world to be important.”

Find Your Person

So I haven’t made an entry in a while, mostly because I really like to keep these positive and life isn’t going very positively for me right now. I like to offer advice on how to get through things, so I was waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but so far, no dice. I know it’s cliché, but for me, when it rains, it seriously pours, like DELUGE style. I felt that even in light of this being kind of a heavy/downer post, I thought that maybe some of you can relate to some of the issues or are just feeling overwhelmed in life in general.

That is how I’ve been feeling in general: OVERWHELMED. Overwhelmed with change, overwhelmed with relationships, overwhelmed in tasks and overwhelmed with emotions, etc. And even though I’m feeling like I’m in over my head in almost every aspect of my life, I keep trying to push through it and remain the stalwart, strong person that I aspire to be. Most of the time, looking for what’s next, keeping a positive attitude and pushing through the tough stuff works just fine for me. Not this time though. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I try to make my situation better or keep a good outlook, I still have that same feeling of drowning. 

And I know we’ve all be there. At that point, where another transgression results in a meltdown; a large transgression or a small one. It doesn’t matter. It’s just one more thing to deal with and that causes the break. I had that happen recently, where one thing was just the last straw of months and months of carrying more than I could lift on my shoulders, of having to deal with massive changes that I had no control over and questioning everything and everyone In my life.

I’m not writing this entry for sympathy, pity or even advice. I’m writing this entry because I think it’s important that people know what I figured out mid-meltdown. Even though I felt VERY alone and even though I was mortified that I couldn’t maintain my strength any longer, I knew I wasn’t alone. Unfortunately, I had a few witnesses to my succumbing to pressure as I made my exit to deal with this alone. I mean, they are my problems, right? No one needs to know about them, much less actually care or help me. That’s how I felt. Everyone has problems and mine have no more weight than theirs.

 I actually felt an immense amount of guilt even being that upset about my issues. I mean, I could have worse issues like living in hunger or feeling unsafe. Why am I so upset about a few changes and that feeling of being overwhelmed if other people can deal with much, much more horrible things?

Mid-meltdown, I realized that I should have reached out sooner for help. But the problem was and is, is that I never know how much I really need help until I try to reach out or a meltdown occurs. I felt that even though I’m in this “funk,” that it will pass, no one needs to bother with me or lend an ear or a shoulder. I can handle it, until I couldn’t. I had so much showing of support from so many people that I felt I could never ask in a million years to hug me while I cried, to talk me through everything that had been going awry, sit with me at my favorite restaurant so that I didn’t have to be alone, or even just send encouraging thoughts and words or even just checking on me via text message. THAT made all the difference. 

Even though my problems and issues are still there, I don’t feel like I’m drowning any more. The feeling of pressure is still there,  but it does

n’t seem nearly as insurmountable. So even though this post isn’t my typical positive style, I wanted to offer those who are in similar situations a challenge. FIND someone to confide in. FIND someone who will be your person. I have more than one person, but there is that go to person I NEED to talk things through and it always results in better things to come. And as they say “this too shall pass.”